Rescuing the Hijacked Brain

June 18, 2010 – 1:17 am

When your boss calls you an idiot, he triggers your animal brain. You will react as if he had put a gun to your head. Brain-wise, social threats are as powerful as physical threats. You will go limbic. The limbic system is the part of the brain related to  our emotional life.

Before It Happens

(1)   Avoid the toxic person. You may not be able to avoid your difficult boss, but if your uncle has the bad habit of poking you in the ribs whenever he speaks, sit far away from him at family gatherings.

(2)   If someone riles you up every time you see him in person, choose to communicate with him another way; for example, only by email or over the telephone.

(3)   If you cannot get away from the toxic person, you can practice attention deployment or re-directing your thoughts, even as that person is bothering you. Focus your mind on something you admire about that person to prevent yourself from going limbic.

(4)   Or focus on something funny—and remember to keep your sense of humor to yourself! Otherwise, you will end up insulting people, and others will think you are the toxic person!

(5)   Lower your expectations. When planning a night out at the movies, remind yourself that the movie you want to see might be sold out. That way you will not be fuming with frustration when there are no tickets left. When planning a beach vacation , you might realistically lower your expectations by remembering that it might rain or be too cold to go swimming.

(6)   Lower your standards. Instead of criticizing people, embrace their human flaws and faults. If you forgive others for not being perfect, maybe some day someone will forgive you for not being perfect, too.

If Your Limbic Reaction Has Already Been Triggered

(1)   Name what happened and the emotion you are feeling—in a couple of words. Never make a story out of it! It is important to use only a word or two. For example: ‘My boss said I was incompetent. I can’t believe he insulted me like this after all my years of loyal service.’ Try to boil it down to just a few words.

(2)   Make a list of the options you do have. Avoid complaining about how horrible the other person is.

(3)   If you were scared by what happened, find another way of looking at it that is less scary.

(4)   Tell yourself, ‘My reaction is average. I’m not the only one who feels this way. If he talked to me like that, then he must talk to everyone the same way.’

(5)   What is the most important thing you want to do today? Go do that instead of thinking about how wrong another person is or how bad your situation is.

(6)   See your situation from another point of view instead of your own. For example, if you are apprehensive about giving a speech in front of a group of people, visualize yourself as seated in the audience instead.

(7)   Try your hand at an activity that involves counting or measuring, like knitting, sewing, bookkeeping, or counting the leaves on a tree. This kind of unemotional activity can serve as the re-set button for your brain. By the way, this is a tried-and-true method of ending a panic!

(8)   Sit still or lie down for awhile. Take a class in how to meditate. This will stop your brain from thinking.

(9)   Could you have contributed in any way to what happened? If you feel that someone offended you,  try to remember if you said or did anything that might have triggered that person. Events do not happen in isolation.

In going limbic, we are thinking that we are right and the other person is wrong. The funny thing is that every person on earth feels that he is right!—and that other people are wrong!

Don’t we all believe that if the offending individual made only a small effort, he could change himself and be much more acceptable? Not so! The latest brain science reveals that the brain is hardwired, as if it were a machine. Nobody changes easily.

Anyway, why should anyone change to please you? A realist is someone who has learned that it is easier to change his own attitude than to try to change other people.

After going limbic, your only job is to calm down. That is the way to rescue your brain.

Some Questions for Discussion:

• When there is a loud noise or someone yells, the body experiences the well-known ‘fight or flight response.’ The Stone Age man or woman needed to drop everything and run away from danger. In our modern cities we may feel we are in danger all the time, living day and night in a state of hyper-alertness. Do you think this is why people are always on their cell phones or checking their emails?
• When was the last time someone insulted you? Brain-wise, social threats are as powerful as physical threats. Did your face become red? Did you say something back? How long did it take you to calm down after that?
• Have you ever been fired with no notice? How did you react? Did you plot ways to take revenge on your boss? Did you feel helpless and hopeless?
• Successful athletes and soldiers develop mental toughness, and this involves not paying attention to insults and put downs. Is mental toughness a kind of deafness? What do you think?
• Some people say they ‘roll with the punches’ when they are not appreciated. Other people say they let insults roll off them ‘like water off a duck’s back.’ They keep an imaginary protective barrier around them. Do you think you can imagine you have a layer around you protecting you from harm?
• When someone hurts your feelings, do you tell other people about it, write it down, and try to remember it for a long time? If so, do you think it is humanly possible to overlook  hurtful words instead of recording them? What do you think is the very best way to cope with hurt feelings?
• Maybe a family member said something critical of you, and you ‘took it to heart.’  Words can be like arrows that pierce to our hearts and other inner organs, damaging us very badly. Primitive, tribal peoples have been observed to die after an authority figure disapproved of them. Harsh words that bite into us and hurt us are called  mordant words. Do you know someone who uses mordant words?
• Parents sometimes get angry and curse their children. They say things like, ‘You’ll never make any money’ or ‘You could never survive on your own’ or ‘Who would marry a girl like you?’ Children often take their parents and authority figures too seriously. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: ‘The truth is that I am okay in my own eyes and can decide for myself how to live my life.’
• Maybe the worst form of abuse is neglect– being abandoned or left alone. Children are often left alone these days because their parents are at work all day. Elderly people often live alone after their spouse dies. How do you think isolation affects the human brain?
• If someone has hurt you, it is said to be a good idea to do them a kindness or give them a gift. Why do you suppose that would be a good thing to do? Have you ever tried this? What was the result?

This report on the latest brain science is based on the  lecture, Taming the Animal Brain, given by Paul McGinniss and sponsored by the International Coach Federation, New York City Chapter. Paul is a workplace and business coach with www.response-ableconsulting.com. Other concepts in this article were inspired by the work of Dr. Abraham A. Low (1891-1954) , a neurologist, psychiatrist, and pioneer in the field of cognitive therapy. Dr. Low’s contributions should really be more well known than they are, and his work continues to assist people worldwide through Abraham Low Self-Help Systems. org.

The life-like sculpture of a female swimmer sitting cross-legged in meditation is the work of artist Carole A. Feuerman.

Text and Photo © 2010        Barbara A. English        All rights reserved.