Your Expected Wait Time Is

August 9, 2008 – 1:55 pm

I was in heaven the whole time I was talking to the man from Skylink with the deep, resonant voice, because I don’t think it gets any better than that. For example, he said: “Enter this in your browser: 155.656.1.1, and then press Enter.”

I stroked the numbers. “Pressing Enter,” I murmured.

I know we were only talking about my Internet connection, but it was so calming to be on the line with another human being who knew how to listen and speak. We were trying to get something done in an orderly way. The problem was that only three of the four lights on my DSL modem would go on, no matter what the man from Skylink did, and no matter what I did. As the man went through a very long diagnostic procedure, I began to think the modem must be broken. Just at that point, he told me that he was transferring me to another line and left me. That was 45 minutes ago. And that is where I have been waiting ever since.

The memory lingers in my mind, however, as I listen to classical music on the line, of what it felt like to actually be speaking to an articulate human being, to be doing something together, and to feel peaceful about that.

While I was waiting, my husband came home and I stood up from my chair and told him I would be on the phone for a while.

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.

“Because I don’t want you to disconnect me,” I said.

The first thing he did was go to the other extension and play around with it, picking the receiver up and putting it down, making loud clicking sounds on the line.

“Don’t disconnect me,” I said calmly. “I’ve been waiting one hour and 13 minutes to speak with someone.”

“I’ll let you have another five minutes, tops,” he said, but I turned away from him before he finished speaking. He was smiling and I am sure he thought he was saying something funny, but I failed to see the humor.

I have now been on hold for one hour and 30 minutes. My lower back is killing me from sitting so long in the chair. I get up to stretch a little.

I wonder if I could Open my husband and click on some Window. I would select the Preferences tab and uncheck the Silent Type. I would check someone a little more Communicative. At least, that’s what I think I’d do. But we’ve been married for 31 years, a little late for drastic changes. Perhaps it would be easier if I could learn to smile when he’s trying to be funny.

“Thank you for your patience,” the recorded message on the line said.

Skylink is a huge corporation. At least my husband’s right here. He’s in the other room.

I haven’t had my dinner and I’m beginning to get tired of waiting. I’m beginning to think this waiting is some test of human endurance, as in: “How long do you think the customers can be made to wait?” Do I sound like I’m complaining? One minute I had an Internet connection. The next minute, I didn’t. That’s the way it goes. Life is a series of ups and downs, or a series of disappointments, depending on how you look at it. Except that when I’m talking with the people at Skylink, I feel like I’m in heaven.

This is what the message is now saying: “All Customer Support Agents are assisting other customers. Please continue to hold for a Customer Support Agent. Thank you for your patience.” This message repeats every two minutes exactly. I know this because I just timed it. The recorded message refers to Customer Support Agents, but I am beginning to think that in reality they do not exist. They might be a figment of some very cruel person’s imagination.

My husband comes in behind me and startles me by kissing me on the mouth. “You’re so patient,” he whispers admiringly into my ear. Then he goes off to sleep. He’s usually very tired from his job. He comes home, eats, and falls asleep. He often falls asleep even when I’m talking to him. Nobody from Skylink ever fell asleep while I was talking to him. No, they’re all very good at listening and speaking.

I hung up the phone after waiting for three hours. I then found that real people from Skylink had called me twice while I had been on hold. I must have been a fool to have waited on the telephone line in this day and age, when no one knows what patience is! I decided I’d never tell another living soul how long I actually waited.

Even though it was now late, I dialed the number they had left. I thought they had given me a special number, a number that went directly to the desk of a skilled engineer, a specialist who understood everything there was to know about my modem.

And this was the message I heard: “All Customer Support Agents are assisting other customers. Please continue to hold for a Customer Support Agent. Thank you for your patience.” Their message sounded so calm and composed. I took in a deep breath, and let it out again.

Good night, ladies and gentlemen of Skylink. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow, when I’ll be able to speak with you again.

Questions for Discussion:

1. When you need to call for technical support for your computer, do you enjoy those phone calls? Or do such phone calls cause you trouble?
2. Can you usually resolve your computer issues over the telephone by placing a call to a technical support person?
3. Do you feel comfortable speaking over the telephone? Or would you rather send a text message, write a letter, send an email, or make an appointment to see and speak to someone in person?
4. There are more indirect methods of communication. For example, we might give someone a gift to let him know we are thinking of him. We might play music that communicates our feelings. Do you think you are better at expressing yourself directly in words or indirectly using other methods?

Photos and Text © Barbara A. English. All rights reserved.